Stuck in the Middle with You

So I was looking at my son today and realizing how much time has gone by and how big he has gotten. It seems just like yesterday I was a swollen, nauseated, cranky, first time pregnant, mother to be.

I enjoyed being pregnant and I embraced every moment but I have to say, I had a rough pregnancy. Something was always going on with me and me being the “baby” that I am, I was terrified the entire time.

The first trimester was rough.

I was nauseous ALL day and ALL night. I couldn’t escape the feeling and it was so hard for me to find something to eat that didn’t make me sick. I would find one thing and stick with it. That would satisfy me for a few weeks and then all of the sudden I couldn’t eat that food any longer.

I think at one point, I ate cucumbers for 3 weeks straight and then all of the sudden the seeds made me sick. I looked at those seeds like they were some strange bugs and I ran for my life.

Then it was onto eggs, then candy, then back to cucumbers. Not only was I driving myself psycho but I think I was driving my husband somewhere too. Ten trips to the grocery store for “MORE CUCUMBERS!”

The second trimester for me was by far, the best. The nausea went away and I could eat again and I was feeling great! Well almost. About halfway through my second trimester is when the heartburn kicked in.

LORDHAVEMERCYONMYSOUL!

I felt like I was growing a fire blowing dragon inside of me. Tums became my best friend until the end. Literally.

There were a lot of exciting things about the second trimester and I started to settle down a little and learn to relax. I should have relaxed a little more. Especially if I would have known that was the last amount of relaxation that I would ever receive in my life. Or at least for a very very very long time.

Ahhh, the third trimester approached and all of the sudden I was as large as a house. I mean, my size before was more like a small apartment, but now, I was a HOUSE. Everything was inflated. I believe at one point my eyelashes were swollen.

Summer was here and the weather was hot. And so was I.

I couldn’t sleep well because I was too big to move. My husband had to rent a crane to get me in and out of bed.

I particularly remember one beautiful summer afternoon and it went like this…

My husband and I wanted to cook out on the grill and relax in our backyard. I was all for it and I was looking for some “cool” clothes to lounge in. I found something that fit and went with it. I threw my hair up and ventured on outside.

I told my husband I was so warm and my feet were so swollen I needed to find how to relax so I could be more comfortable. He threw his finger up in the air (not the middle) and proclaimed, “A-ha, I’ve got it.”

I waited while he went inside and shuffled around and when he returned he was holding a beach chair and my inflatable mini foot bath.

What in the world are you doing?

He set the beach chair up and told me to have a seat, so I did. Comfy. He made me put my feet in the foot bath, which at that time we were calling our “pool”. He grabbed the hose and filled the “pool”.

I began to relax this was a good idea, husband.

He ran back into the house and got me my sunglasses and a cherry popsicle. I was absolutely content. Until the sun felt like it was setting fire to my body. I whined and whined and then my husband grabbed the hose and began to hose me down.

Yes, I sure felt all sexy-ish right now.

As we were having fun in our water park, his phone rang. So he set the hose down to take the call. It was my mother-in-law. I decided I had to go to the bathroom so I would sneak inside while the husband was on the phone. Come to find out that I couldn’t get up. Yes, I was stuck inside the chair.

Mortifying.

I called out to my husband but he was in deep conversation. I keep yelling with such panic. “Help, I’m stuck. Paul, HELP, I CAN’T GET UP!!!!”

He turned around to see me struggling to move and I couldn’t help but to laugh at the look on his face.

Here’s all I remember hearing…

Husband: (calmly) “Mom, hold on. Erika is stuck in the chair.”

Husband: (Voice raised a little) “No Mom, I was hosing my wife down and now she is stuck.”

Husband: (Screaming) “MOM, Hold on while I pry my wife’s ass out of this chair.”

He set the phone down and began to tug.  Not budging. I’m pleading with him to pull while I’m trying to shimmy out of the chair. Still not budging.

I thought at one point he was going to grab some butter and try to grease me up.

Past the point of being embarrassed, I began to laugh uncontrollably.

I finally, somehow, got out of the chair and got to the bathroom. It was an eventful experience.

For the rest of the third trimester, I just continued to grow and grow until I finally popped on August 3^rd, 2011.

Words cannot even describe how miraculous giving birth was.  I had a great birthing experience. Despite thirty hours of labor and a few minor complications, I was high off of adrenaline and I felt like I could conquer the world.

I’m sure the epidural had a little to do with that, but all in all, I can’t wait to experience every part of it again. Well…. I can wait a while but not too long.